Prepare yourself.

I fucking hate people.

Looking back, I guess I didn’t expect much from this job. Like most, if not all people, I wanted to get free movies and relax all summer while my mom whored herself out to the church and left me alone. Now, stuck in the present behind a register that is currently freezing intermittently every other exchange, I had to force myself to remain neutral on the issue of gun control. Every customer has asked me if we have any water bottles, and my response has been to politely gesture at the big ass sign we have taped tot he wall behind concession. In fact, we have multiple signs up. Apparently, that does not matter to the average southern California consumer. Right now, I am attempting to help a woman who clearly is used to higher standards of customer service.
“I want to speak to a manager, this is ridiculous.” She snarled, folding her arms and staring around, like a manager would teleport out of thin air at her request. I was genuinely surprised because, well, I had not said a word to her except ,”Hello.”
“Ma’am, what’s wrong?” I asked. She gave me a rigid glare and continued looking around, ignoring the line of seven people behind her who were also beginning to exhibit hostile tendencies. I glanced past her at box office and could see the top of Ellie’s head poking above the glass wall around box. If she is standing up, she is very busy. No box person sits down when things are going smoothly. I wondered for a split second if a projector was down.
“I’m sorry, but I think our manager is upstairs starting movies-”
“I’m not talking to you. Where is your manager?” She blurted, her voice so sharp it could cut a diamond.
Behind me, I heard the familiar sonic pop of the first kernel of popcorn exploding. Right now, in between trying to help this annoying bitch and the increasing tide of machine gun fire behind me, I felt that all too familiar spring begin to tighten in my skull. Just because I sell you popcorn doesn’t mean I can summon a genie out of my ass for your amusement. You aren’t in a palace, you royal pain in my ass. I inhale deeply, and give the woman a sincerely fake smile.
“Madam, the manager will be down shortly. You can wait for him by box office.”
Then, I may have done the dumbest thing yet. I gestured at the man behind the woman, and nodded for him to come forward. He shrugged, stepped around the woman to the counter. She looked at me, eyes going red with rage. I pretended not to notice, but I felt my testicles shrink under her gaze. Shiver me testicles. The man ordered a simple meal, and leaned in to me after I had begun to ring him up.
“She’s a bitch. I feel for you.”
I gave him a wink and handed over his change. He flipped me the peace sign and headed out. The woman was standing at box office right now, and Kelvin was doing his best to remain straight-faced. Turns out, her husband was late and she was taking it out on me. Of course, she never would admit to that but that is what Kelvin told me later.
After an hour, the rush was over and the tide had ebbed. We sat in box office, relaxing. Well, Rat and Ellie did. Kelvin had run out to get a burrito from El Polo Loco.
“Hey. Go do theater checks.” Rat ordered, moving closer to his girlfriend. He gave me a sly wink and rubbed her lower back. I got the hint and practically tripped over my own feet trying to get away.
“Daddy has a king-size whopper for you…” I heard him croon. I was too far away to see what went on, but something tells me that is was no less explicit than your average four dollar Hustler. But, knowing Rat’s luck and ever-sized ego, the most action he would get this shift was from himself. And, he even bragged about that too. The night dwindled on, and I went on break at 8:27. I had a mandatory 35 minute dinner break, and I spent it sitting outside smoking. I went through half a pack sitting there, and that was the first time my hands actually shook on the job. No amount of nicotine would calm me. With six minutes left on my break, Rat came outside and joined me. He bummed a smoke off me and sat down a few feet away. A couple awkward seconds passed.
“What was up with that women?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed, flicking the ash off the tip.
“Maybe she was on the rag.” Rat muttered. He leaned over and slugged me on the arm. It didn’t hurt as much.
“You did good dude. You did fucking good.”

I did good.

I will never understand people.